Gratitude

I’m sitting on Couch, right on that spring. It doesn’t bother me that much. Words come to me here.

There is a man who comes into the coffee shop. A handsome man the color of nutmeg, late thirties, five foot five and always in running clothes , although I don’t think he is a runner. He works from home and comes in towards closing. His drink is an almond lavender steamer with cinnamon. When he says “with cinnamon “ I think of words like “sprinkle “ and “dash.” On his personal mug is an old piece of blue tape with black lettering a past barista had put on: L ST+Cin. Abbreviated letters which sound like a code I happen to know. It’s nice to know things others don’t.

He says hello in a cheery voice which if it had a color would be yellow like a smiley face. I think he probably doesn’t have a mental illness, although I can’t really know. I assume. My husband often tells me not too assume. I also assume that lost would be needing directions. I feel jealous.

It’s the drink that prompted my glass half full question. It’s a happy drink, a drink you have while reading a poem or watching the snow fall. When he says with cinnamon I think dash or sprinkle even though he says with. He probably doesn’t need to be told to write a daily gratitude list. If I were to ask him something he was grateful for he would be able to name something right away.

A woman whose name starts with the fourth letter in the alphabet gave me a small pocket book the color of hay. Inside were blank pages. She was glad I agreed to the idea of the book, even surprised. She told me to try and write things I am grateful for everyday no matter how small. I might have rolled my eyes. I have a lot of negativity and she is hoping by me writing down what I am grateful for will lesson my negative thoughts. Is that right? I’m sorry —, I haven’t written in it lately but I do think of things throughout the day. I hope you believe me.

Here is my ongoing list. I begin with small stuff, not to be funny (I’m not making fun):

I am grateful or Dave Grohl and Foo Fighters. My Diet Coke, my gratitude book.— for making me write in a gratitude book and see there are good things. My cats Linus and Lucy. Linus especially because he lets me pick him up (if Lucy let me pick her up and didn’t on too many occasions shit on the floor I may have put her name first).

The pool. My job.

I have a negative thought right now. I’m not going to say what it is.

I’m grateful I know how to parallel park, something I learned in L.A. I am grateful for fruit such as the watermelon I found at the store in winter. I am grateful for Diet Coke and that nobody, as in a professional, has told me to stop drinking it. I know I have said Diet Coke twice, but, like I mentioned, I am having some negative thoughts.

I’m grateful for my husband, my parents, my sister, my nieces, my grandma. my grandfather, even though he’s dead.

I am especially thankful for Group(we haven’t talked about that yet).

Friends whose letters begin with M, B, S, D, T, J, A, E and other letters like C (Who was was with me the first time all those years ago), L, P, another C. D (that fourth letter I talked about) . K who has been my therapist for almost half my life.

Days Like These.

I know, D, it’s not a bad list. It’s longer than I thought.